Browsing Category

Comedy Breathers

Comedy Breathers

Comedy Breather: It’s Not About the Nail by Jason Headley

June 22, 2017

We struggled with whether or not to make this a Comedy Breather (where you can laugh your guts out instead of being hammered by bad news) or a news story (this is one of the hottest YouTube videos out there). In the end, we just decided to highlight a story about a man, a woman, and a nail.

Comedy Breathers

Comedy Breather: 26 Reasons That You’re A Great Mom

May 14, 2017

What makes this especially funny is that it is true! Happy Mother’s Day to the modern miracle, our moms.

The below article was written by Stephanie Dolgoff for

Doesn’t it just kill you? Many of your most genius mom moves take place when there are no witnesses—except for your kids—so you never get that gratifying thumbs-up. Well, we’re here to say we know all the thankless wizardry you pull off (and all the meltdowns and messes that would have happened if you hadn’t!). And for all that you do, YOU RULE. Below, a list of just a fraction of the things you do for which you deserve a medal.

  1. You kept a 2-year-old occupied during a two-hour doctor’s-office wait with only your finger (mostly it was a puppet, but also a tickle monster).
  2. You were actually prepared for your kid’s low-blood-sugar moment.
  3. You thought to put the “leakproof” baby bottles in a plastic bag, just in case.
  4. You somehow came up with a 25-word, age-appropriate explanation for why Mr. Arf Arf is rubbing up against everyone’s leg.
  5. You managed not to clock the woman who lectured you about breastfeeding and high-fructose corn syrup while you were in line at CVS.
  6. You insisted your daughter at least try to pee before you left (and sure enough—traffic was tied up for hours).
  7. You made your son believe that his glasses would add to, not detract from, his coolness.
  8. You get dressed, work, and bring home green. Baby needs a new pair of, well, everything.
  9. You assembled a few extra booty bags for the moms who brought siblings to your kid’s party.
  10. Your husband came home to a dressed, sweet-smelling baby…but only after two diaper explosions and a dish of orzo worn as a beret.
  11. Another parent reported that your son was polite and well-behaved, a testament to your hammering home that whole manners thing.
  12. You got that. Stupid. Jelly. Jar. OPEN!!
  13. One concession (she can watch Wizards of Waverly Place) bought you an empty dishwasher, a swept porch, and her gratitude.
  14. Your kids don’t even know that Sour Patch candies exist.
  15. You overheard your daughter tell her friends, “You don’t have to be skinny to be beautiful.” Mom, 1; thin-obsessed culture-at-large, nada!
  16. You got Sharpie marks out of his new white shorts.
  17. You were so right about so many things but not once did you say to your husband, “I told you so.” (Okay, maybe once.)
  18. You bought two identical baby blankets in the event that one got lost (which it did).
  19. If you hadn’t remembered to go through his backpack at the start of Spring Break, that tuna-sandwich half would have been there until he went back to school.
  20. That magic “evil eye” necklace you picked up at the flea market has totally eradicated your son’s nightmares.
  21. In your honest, thorough, and exceedingly clinical explanation of how babies are made, you managed to completely turn your kids off to even the idea of sex (for now, anyway).
  22. You kept her home from a party when she didn’t clean up her toys and endured an hour of her shrieking about how hateful you are. But guess who now cleans up when she’s asked?
  23. Putting that old futon mattress on the floor of the playroom, where the kids jump from couch to couch, was your idea. Think of all the little skulls that weren’t fractured!
  24. You made a doctor’s appointment for her imaginary friend Leela, and her kitty, too.
  25. You signed her up for swimming lessons. Even though you have a pool phobia, you didn’t let it rub off on her.
  26. Whatever you did, it resulted in happy, kind children. That’s (mostly) you, baby.
Comedy Breathers

Comedy Breather: Hilarious Posts When Candid Parents Turn to Twitter

April 29, 2017

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Simon Holland @simoncholland

No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.

*Sees burglar hiding in closet*

Me: Hey, mind if I hide in here with you? I need to get away from kids.

Parenting is pretty fun if you like spending Saturday afternoons being back seat driven by a 4 foot tall tyrant wearing plastic Pikachu ears

Me at 8am: “Oh, juice spill? That’s ok, kids. Love you.”

Me at 5pm: “If ONE MORE GODDAMN DROP OF JUICE spills, I’m burning the house down!”


Sometimes I wonder how such beautiful kids can really be mine.

Then my 4-year-old opens a door and runs into the door frame.

Then I know.

When school sends home the lice letter, they should accompany it with a blowtorch and a listing of all the local homes for sale

That moment when you realize the only bands you’ve heard in concert lately are your kids pretending to be bands in concert.

The Blair Witch Project, but it’s just my toddler ripping down the baby monitor, then sitting in the corner crying.

If I had a penny for every time I said, “He’s not a horse, he’s your brother” I could afford to buy an actual horse for her.

Me: Where is the library book?

Toddler: My dog ate it.

Me: We don’t have a dog.

My 7yo said “when I grow up, I’m gonna make the dad do all the laundry” and I believe the children are our future.


Walking into the store with my kids like:

Marriage with kids is mostly saying 1,2,3 not it!

The reason why a 2 parent system works so well is that one can take over yelling at the kids if the other gets winded

Naptime is better described as the eye of the hurricane.

Nothing gets my Batman voice going quite like seeing my kid put a third pair of socks into the hamper before noon

“Wow, I’ve always wanted this.”

~ something my 3yo didn’t know existed 2 seconds ago


It doesn’t matter how loud you play it, John Denver’s Sunshine On My Shoulders will not drown out the fighting kids in your back seat.

After a lengthy deliberation, my 7yo told me it was ok for me to tell him to go to bed. Thanks, buddy.